Too late at night for any of this to make absolute sense

I lied. It would be another 3 months since my last post. I've been wanting to write since I got back from my Montreal trip but I just keep continuously delaying it. Tonight I was supposed to watch PLL and sleep early to study all day tomorrow for my midterm on Friday. Right when I started this course, I told myself that I have no excuse not to earn a high grade because its the only course I'm focusing on for one month. Except...the significance of doing well on the midterm has quickly slipped off my priorities list because its past 2:30 and I'm still wide awake. Things don't always go as planned, eh? 

I signed up for the Explore program (5-week French immersion course) in early January and was put on the wait-list for weeks after the "lottery acceptance draw" in April. I was pretty much set on staying home for the entire summer when I finally got my congratulations email from UQAM. Well, ending up in Montreal for Explore was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. My friends have been asking me how the program was, and I can't stop saying "it was really really really good". They want me to explain why but there's just too much I could say so I just stick with "it was just really good". First of all, the people I met made my trip absolutely remarkable. Normally, I surround myself with the same type of people because it brings a kind of comfort and security. In the program, I met (and more importantly, got to know on a personal level) people from all kinds of backgrounds and of all ages. My French oral teacher is an Egyptian who spoke six different languages. My French grammar teacher is possibly the most charming, gentle, and handsome Quebecois ever. Side-note: The whole female population of UQAM is probably glad that he doesn't wear a ring which could mean only one thing: s-i-n-g-l-e!!!! (hahaha). A 29 year old soon-to-be high school teacher who rode motorcycles, and I became good friends and surprisingly we always had a lot to talk about despite our 10 year age gap and completely different lifestyle. Another friend whom I became close with majored in horse science. Yes, there is such a major and no, she's not in the same faculty anymore because she chose to major in French instead. Everyone in my class was simply amazing and now I have friends in almost every province across Canada! 

Even though our classroom was located in a sketchy neighborhood with SDF's roaming the allies and sex shops directly next to our building, I'm so glad I was placed in UQAM. There are murals, churches, and spiral staircases at every corner. Its a place with so much culture that clearly distinguishes itself from the West Coast. Not to mention its wonderful, mouth-watering smoked meat. Schwartz. I could eat that for every meal for the rest of my life.

I want to remember all the little details I spent in my five weeks in Montreal: lining up two hours for brunch, outdoor concerts featuring francophone artists, the clubbing weekends that somehow always ended in pouring rain, and most importantly all the precious friendships. I look back to the month-long program and there are so many things that make me smile. There will be so much reminiscing for the weeks, months and years to come. 

I was supposed to go back to LA after Montreal but Marine Dr. decided to offer me housing starting mid June. So here I am back in the 604 taking up my housing offer. Its been good being back in Vancouver. My new unit has all that I need and want in a living environment. Its new, convenient and spacious. The weather has been perfect and very exciting news - I just bought my own magic bullet!!! Smoothies all day in the sun. Life is so so comfortable here. 

On another topic, I spent all of May thinking about the time I would spend in July with him. It was exciting to know that we would have one month together before our year apart. But then Montreal happened and gone were the nights where he was the last person on my mind before I went to bed. In fact, he was barely on my mind at all and just like that, the spark disappeared. Regardless of the initial strong feelings, there is no strong foundation. When both people stop trying, what's the point?

And, you. I started to count down my days in Montreal because I was looking forward to come back and reconnect with you. The same you who has been popping up in my life from time to time for the past five years. You are the same 2008 you to an extent but actually so different in so many ways. As crazy as this sounds but I've always held on to the thought of us being "us" again. Tonight has changed that. I don't ever know how to feel about you because you always trigger a different emotion. There is absolutely no coherent way that I can explain how I feel about you. Our talk earlier is the reason why I'm still up at 3:30. Its a lot to process in one night. 

I'm going to end this post with what I started with. Things don't always go as planned. But sometimes it's alright. Good night. Here's to hoping I'll be productive tomorrow studying for my natural disasters course!